What Is "Domestic Violence"? – Anything Your Heart Desires, Honey! (A Word of Caution to an American Male)

By Eric Ross, Ph.D.

They do not call it "the American Dream" for nothing  ―  if you are a man who wishes to create a happy family, you are probably dreaming and this is your wake-up call: in terms of lifetime outcomes you are taking on an enormous risk.

The definition of domestic violence by the Obama's US Department of Justice (2011) is,  in part, as follows:

We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

Read it and weep! “Emotional” and “economic”? – Let me clarify that: this spectacularly all-inclusive, "anything your heart desires, honey" feminist definition of what is violence is oftentimes played out in the Family Courts. More over, U.S. VP Joe "The Fraudster" Biden and Attorney General Eric "Fast and Furious" Holder want to federalize the "crime" of denying your g/f money, when she demands it. Said Biden: "The use of a “a physical, financial or psychological power over you … that is the ugliest sin that man can commit". 

The institution of the Family Court is the brainchild of the Feminist Jurisprudence that completely changed the laws of the United States in the last 40 years. Feminist Jurisprudence replaced the "reasonable man" standard in cases where a woman is involved, with a "reasonable woman" standard, giving women a green light to lie and connive to "punish" a man, usually an intimate partner, for making her angry or unhappy.  What does "DV"  mean? – According to Feminist Jurisprudence, only a man can commit Domestic Violence. According to them, a woman does not have to prove anything, a mere allegation is sufficient. The burden of proof that he is not guilty thus shifts on the man. By now you all should be familiar how this worked out in many rape allegations made by women against celebrities and other multi-millionaires, from Kobe Bryant, to the Duke University Lacrosse team false accuser (later arrested for stabbing her boyfriend), to the DSK case. 

Feminist advocates have been deceitfully focused on the alleged “patriarchal dominance” despite hundreds of studies that debunk this theory.  Gender-feminists used the ploy of “patriarchal dominance” under which a violence by a woman is not at all violence but an act of "self-defense." They declare a man to be a perpetrator of Domestic Violence Abuse without any evidence, on nothing more than a woman's allegation, (usually shouted in all caps in the Orders of Protection handed out to women like candy) when his remark or a facial expression allegedly “humiliated” or “intimidated” or "frightened" his gold-digging wifey or girlfriend. 

A Typical Pie-Chart of How Women's Shelters Define "Domestic Violence" to be Just About 
Anything They Wish, but Never Perpetrated by a Woman.  Their Trump Card: Domestic Violence is Only Men on Women.  When a Woman Kills or Assaults Her Partner or Child it is Not "Violence", it Is Something Else. 

Surprised? You thought you knew what violence was! Well, think again.  Apparently, there are scores of enterprising law-makers out there from the rank and file of "family and matrimonial" lawyers, concerned with cash flows as more and more lawyers join the ranks, fresh from the conveyor lines of the the country's law schools. (The US has more lawyers than the rest of the world combined.)


They and the scores of no less enterprising gender feminists have redefined  you as the abuser, rapist and murderer, based on your genetic differences from those who do not have a penis. Yes, you are a man. In the process, they slated you to surrender at least seventy five (75) percent of you current and future net worth.  You didn't take heed when George Orwell warned you that the new definitions were going to be “War is Peace”, "Freedom is Slavery” and “Ignorance is Strength.” Now, pay the price.

When she declares that he refused to give her the super-sized amounts of money for shopping,  entertainment and her night on the town, and he called for moderation in expenses ― it is an “economic” form of DV, "to control her". If your budget is shrinking or you are unemployed, it does not matter. Your goose is cooked, dude. While you were working hard to make your American dream a reality, they turned you into a criminal, unbeknownst to you.  As George Carlin, comedian extraordinaire said, "It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." So, here's your wake-up call: All it takes is her word. And we have a large number of court transcripts to prove it.

It is not a matter of the "expansive definition" of "violence" pushed by the US Senate Democrats versus "restrictive definition" asserted by a few among the 31 Republicans who voted against it. Joe Biden and Co force the Orwellian New World Order upon the people by redefining the simplest of notions. 


Said Biden, when pushing VAWA through US Senate:  "The use of a “... financial or psychological power over you … that is the ugliest sin that man can commit". 


The use of "financial or psychological power" in the family is not  "violence", it may not, and must not be adjudicated as "violence." In fact, the states' penal code does not include such vague definitions. Only the Family Courts go through the verbal acrobatics and shameless browbeating of the male litigants, to find them guilty of "domestic violence" when financial or psychological power struggle is involved. It maybe a power struggle for control of finances. Women run circles around men in wielding psychological power and control. Is it violence? -- Absolutely not. Nor is it "violence" when psychological control is exercised by a man, though feminists disagree. Only when the state, through its punitive and coercive apparatus of Courts and Police, uses its "financial power" to starve men by unsustainable spousal and child support orders, does it become "violence", which may ultimately beget an extreme violent response.


The definition of Violence has been for centuries as in the Oxfod Dictionary: "The exercise of physical force so as to inflict injury on, or cause damage to, persons or property; action or conduct characterized by this; treatment or usage tending to cause bodily injury or forcibly interfering with personal freedom. "


Most litigants know little-to-nothing about the fact that the actual Domestic Violence as defined by their state laws, involves much more than an unkind word or an occasional absence of a happy grin on your face. It is... actual violence as we all know it, such as pushing and shoving, kicking and scratching  ―  all the things women do at least as often as men, and men hardly ever complain about for fear of being ridiculed, or worse  ―  arrested as if they were the perpetrators.  VAWA mandates arrests of men, no matter who committed violence, often even when he is the only injured party.  If she slaps you ― leave immediately, if she hits you with a fist or a kitchen implement ― call the police. This "relationship" will never work! Never try to protect yourself unless she's armed and dangerous, never trade punches. If she made a false allegation against you once, chances are extremely high that she will make them again. 

While numerous studies show women to be equally
aggressive in  IPV, the junk-scientists continue to
insist on the "Patriarchal Dominance" model (only men-
on-women violence is accounted), because that's where
most money is made, and it is easy to justify as
a "do good" policy in the Western societies,
where men always protected and took
care of women. 

The  Family Law gives her numerous incentives to lie and connive. There's a big pot of gold for her at the end: your property and future earnings. She doesn't want you, she wants your money. She wants you, but only as her financial slave.  There are numerous cash flows from your pocket into the lawyers participating in this farce, as well. They are not going to give up big money they will reap by asserting false allegations, just to assure your child's happiness. The allegations in the Orders of Protection, which are doled out to women like candy, oftentimes do not rise to the level of violence by a long shot. So, men naively assume that the Judges will see the kind of "nonsense" these allegations are and will treat them as such. So, men often do not take such "off-the-wall" allegations seriously and do not fight them in court ― a major mistake that may ultimately land them in jail, and for a long time.  


Men caught up in the middle of this crazy-making, have to trust their lawyers to get them out of trouble. Little do they know that their lawyers often get them into much more trouble than there was to begin with. There’s much more money to be made this way by lawyers, judges, prison industry, the family courts' probation officers, Legal Aid Society lawyers funded by the money funneled through VAWA, and numerous other state actors, when you’re in a sea of trouble. Realize that you are essentially up against the largest racketeering enterprise in the history of the Human Civilization, and that your lawyer may turn out to be your enemy, even when  you do your best to manage this professional relationship intelligently, gently but firmly. 

Know the law regarding allegations of "domestic violence." In New York it is Family Court Act Section 8. Read it top to bottom. Memorize it. Make your teenage son memorize it. It may save your life, and his. Demand that Judges stick to the letter of this essentially criminal law, deliberately “civilized” so as to allow the bottom feeders among the Family and Matrimonial lawyers unlimited abuse of people, such as yourself, by the Family Courts, where the Judge is also the Jury and the Prosecutor, and enjoys virtually unlimited discretion, along with absolute immunity. 


Do not plea bargain when no physical violence occurred on your part. All of a sudden your beloved Child is your legal "adversary" represented by an extremely hostile Legal Aid lawyer, also secretly assisting your ex, while being paid by the Violence Against Women Act funds and organisations. This Legal Aid monster needs to secure the next year's budget by raising false statistics of DV. They may illegally threaten you that you will never see your child again unless you admit "guilt", such as exchanging unkind words with you soon-to-be ex wife, allegedly within an earshot of your Child (it does not matter that the Child was in school at the time of a row, as the court is busily fabricating their own version of reality, to put you, the man, in a house of pain). Read the applicable law. Devour legal cases decided by the Appellate Court in similar circumstances, as if your life depended on it, because it does. Marginalized, criminalized, dehumanized and destroyed financially, about 30,000 American men commit suicide annually. [Fn-1]  Countless men in America end up dying "of natural causes", homeless. 


The bottom-feeders lawyers of the Family Court system, the "court officers", are getting out of their way to find you guilty of anything, by hook or by crook, often fraudulently, their actions financially incentivized every step of the way. By so doing they want to set you off on a downward spiral of destroying your fatherhood and turning you into a financial slave, while turning your child against you. The courts and the "attorneys for the child" actively participate in alienating your child against you, psychologically maiming the child for life. A concerted effort by the Court System against you is the bottom line. There are several forces here at work, each may become the subject of a separate discussion. But the Family Court laws and the Court System are incentivized top to bottom, to act against men as described herein.

Unless you put a few miles between yourself and your ex, there will be repeat allegations, the second time over turning into some really serious legal trouble. If you have an outstanding order of protection, you may be jailed just because you parked your car within 100 ft from where she parked in the local Supermarket's parking lot. Do not let this lynch mob win. Take any allegation, no matter how  "off the wall" it may look to you, very seriously.


The process of legal abuse is further incentivized by the Federal Title IV (d) Law, dispensing bonuses to judges for screwing you over to the max.  You have a house? – Kiss it goodby. You have a bank account? – Kiss it goodby. Kiss goodby to you future earnings. If you lose your employment and can't pay the spousal and child support, you go to jail. "Slavery is Freedom." Welcome to being a man in America, 2012, my friend.
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Fn-1: The last data set currently available was published by the CDC (at http://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars/LeadingCauses.html ) and was for the year 2009, when 29,089 men committed suicide. Since then, the rates of suicide by men have increased, reaching dramatic levels.  
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In this video-clip, a woman admits under questioning on "Dr. Phil's Show" that 
she feels justified in lying about DV, which her former husband never committed. 
She just wanted to punish him, so she sent her husband to jail for 10 months